Hi-Tech Madness

by Caroline Bermudez (1987)

It was as if I thought it might get angry and spew vulgarities at me...a testimony to my ineptness.

All I needed to do was punch the keys, but I couldn't get my trembling fingers to the keyboard.  My friends laughed at me, all the while telling me how easy it was.  As easy as putting together your child's new bike!  And if it could tell me what I did wrong, I wouldn't understand.  Fortran, Pascal or even Basic were not part of my English vocabulary. 

Millions of Americans are still not comfortable with computers.  I'm not saying I'm some computer genius now, able to program the thing to do my laundry or such.  But there are individuals who have boycotted them altogether, claiming their minds and bodies will turn to Jello with the computer revolution.  My view was rather that I was too stupid to use the computer property.  I had put it high upon a pedestal, the god of the new technology.  And that somehow, I could, at the touch of a button, send its circuits flaring into a display that would put the fourth of July to shame.  I felt I was just too dumb, that it wouldn't be able to decipher my archaic instructions.

The computer didn't scare me, it intimidated the hell out of me.

But the computer is increasingly becoming the trend of our society.  Computers pay our bills, balance our checkbooks, and someday will probably do my laundry.

With this in mind, I figured I needed a crash course in computer psychology...101.  So I enrolled in the course, with the aid of a computer, naturally.

The first thing I did was give my computer a name so that I could better relate to it...humanize it, I suppose.  In this way, if I got frustrated, I could say, "Damn you, Roger!" and not feel so stupid yelling at some inanimate object -- especially a computer.

I was amazed.  Roger proved to be a useful confidant and an entertaining friend.  I learned to speak his language and even play games with him.  I realized that Roger was like a human friend with an IQ of 210--very smart, but no common sense.

For example, if a stoplight stayed red for more than a few minutes, I'd know that it was stuck, and that I could cross when the street cleared.  Roger would still be waiting on the corner until someone from the city came to fix the light.  And you know how long that takes.  But then again, being a computer, Roger could probably just hook up circuits with the stoplight and fix it himself -- he's such a flirt.

Yep, I learned that computers aren't there to intimidate us.  They need patience and understanding just like the rest of humanity.  I, like many other people, was just too shy to take that first step.

Until I took the course, I thought floppy discs were diner slang for a side order of pancakes, and microchips were the new competition for Ruffles.

But I am no longer intimidated by the Rogers of the world.  My fingers no longer tremble with clumsy tendencies when I go to place them on the keyboard.

And once in awhile, I'm reminded that all Rogers are not perfect.  "Insignificant Data" flashes on my small green monitor, and I can say, "Oh, Roger, just tell me you don't know.  It's the same thing."